You came in just the same way you’re leaving…. like a bitch. I like bitches though, so there!
You challenged my ability to handle stress early on. While I attended to the needs of others in my family, I let my own go and I suffered, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I was a hot mess and there was no hiding it. Everyone knew. I figured shit out, though. You didn’t think I would, did you?
Or maybe you knew you had to pile on the catastrophes and force me to make a choice:
- Be a miserable martyr who sees life as a series of unfortunate events OR
- Be the queen bee of my own life, take control of what I can, make myself a priority, and navigate the rest to the best of my ability
I hovered between #1 and #2 for quite some time. In February, I decided to kick things up a notch and really start taking care of myself. I planned my workouts and followed a diet. You kept the curve balls coming though, and really tested my ability to stick to the promises I made myself. Sometimes I could and sometimes I couldn’t, but I started feeling clearer in my mind, I had more energy, and was better able to handle myself in difficult situations.
As I took better care of myself and managed my health, I began to discover things about me that I had either previously misread or ignored. Different things became priorities. It was like I was meeting myself for the first time. I took a different job, rather unexpectedly. It was a surprise to many people, myself included. But it made me happy and I knew it would. Rather than depending on the advice of everyone else (historical behavior), I consoled a few people who listened, provided thoughtful feedback, and supported whatever decision I made. I had enough confidence to make this choice for myself, which felt pretty incredible.
Fall came along and I decided to do something different with my fitness. I started working with a trainer, lifting weights, and eating clean. It was just what I needed. I’m able to challenge myself, to practice discipline, to set goals, and to see results. I feel so empowered and it shows in everything I do.
You blindsided me though. Mid-December hurt bad. I’m not going to lie. We’re supposed to be able to completely enjoy the happy parts of our lives. The dreams come true. The successes. The wins. They’re not supposed to happen at the very same time the really hard, emotionally charged, highly sensitive, just plain painful stuff happens. How is that right? You’re kind of an asshole.
But now I know, it’ll all work out. There have been a couple of weak moments, but I have a pretty amazing family and we just get through shit. We know how and we’ll always survive. So, 2017, you came in like a bitch and you’re leaving like a bitch, but I still like you because you toughened me up. You showed me I can be whatever I want to be. You taught me about all the little perks that come along with taking care of myself and I like that so much!
You’re handing me off to 2018 a stronger, wiser, more determined woman than I ever knew I could be. So, thank you!
Happy New Year ~ Peace out!