Last week may have been the toughest week of prep I’ve experienced yet. I felt tired and my energy levels were low. I was a bit edgy. I didn’t want to get up for the gym when my alarm went off. Everyone’s lunch at work smelled like heaven and I really wanted to lick the peanut butter spoon after making my lunches. But I never once considered making a choice I would regret. Goals.
I had a fantastic visit with my mom earlier in the week. She struggles with short term memory, but she’s held the memory that I’m doing a show and she’s really tickled about it. She asked me what my intention for the show was and it took some time before I could answer. My reasons change the closer we get to May and I had to think about them again.
I really don’t care if I place at this point. What I’m focusing on is courage, strength, and confidence. I want to get to Twin Falls and walk out on that stage knowing that I didn’t cut any corners and that I gave everything I had.
I want to feel excited, exhilarated, and relieved to finally be there. No fear, no doubt, no insecurities. I want to look out at the judges and smile, knowing that the goals I set have been met. This is exactly what I told my mom.
My body has been through a lot of changes over the past 15 months. All of the changes have been the result of choices I’ve made. Sometimes the choices are so easy and sometimes they just suck. The sucky moments pass quickly though. It’s like the first year I quit smoking. There were moments I would have given anything for just one drag of a cigarette. Those moments were just that… moments.
I know there are still 12 weeks left and that there will be even more challenging times ahead. But, I also know without a doubt that I’ll make it through because I’ve already decided to.